


Redo

by Bara_no_Uta



Category: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Gen, Time Travel, Werewolf Bite
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-19
Updated: 2015-04-19
Packaged: 2018-03-24 21:07:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3784342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bara_no_Uta/pseuds/Bara_no_Uta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Katherine refuses to let Nadia's life end as it did. She's certainly never been the type to believe in miracles, but with traveler magic and sheer determination... she manages to rewind time. This time, she is determined to prevent Nadia's death, no matter what it takes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Escape

Quick note: “ми Надя” = Bulgarian for “my Nadia.” I have a headcanon that she occasionally refers to her as such (though not aloud… yet), with the sense of it being like “my daughter.”

* * *

I never knew I had it in me.

I was never allowed to use traveler magic until a few weeks ago, and even then it was only one spell that I was taught the words to. Sure, I could technically have learned way back when I was human the first time, but I was way too scared of my father finding out at that point… So I really don’t know how I managed this.

I’m not really one for cheesy explanations, like some Disney movies about true love between family members, but… I guess it might have been the determination that only a mother can have about saving her daughter. Because all I know is that our story… _her_ story… I can’t let it end like it did.

And somehow, I’ve gotten us a redo.

I look around, disoriented by the change in time and worlds. But before I can start to get my bearings, my phone goes off.

As soon as I pull it out of my pocket, I realize this isn’t actually _my_ phone, and Nadia is the one calling. Suddenly, I look in front of me and notice the dead body. And with a certainty that feels like being hit with a sack of bricks, I realize where I am. I didn’t go back far enough. Damn it! This is what I get. I should have known my inexperience with magic would screw it up somehow. Now I’m going to have to just watch her die over again--?! With slightly shaking hands, I force myself to answer the call.

“Nadia, I’m coming back to the church right now.”

It kills me to say that knowing exactly who it is and what’s about to happen, but I repeat my words from last time, stalling as I try to come up with _anything_ to change her fate. My mind is working as quickly as it can, and yet still coming up blank.

“She’s not at the church anymore,” Stefan’s voice answers. “She’s with me at home.” I don’t bother to ask why he’s calling from her phone this time, and he continues speaking. “She doesn’t have much time left, Katherine.”

It’s too late. She has… maybe about an hour left, and Maxfield is dead. There’s no time to go see Klaus or anything. Damn it, am I completely powerless, even now…?

“Prove it. That she’s with you. Put her on the phone.” I’m… honestly just hoping that maybe hearing her voice can give me some sort of idea.

I hear her struggling to breathe, and it kills inside. I try to brace myself for the weak and pained sound of her voice, but I feel tears threatening to fall anyway. How could I not? She’s my _daughter_ … All I want is to finally do something right for her. To save her.

“Katherine? **Run!** ”

I’m speechless again, but before I’d have any chance to reply anyway, Stefan takes the phone from her.

“You can always run, Katherine. That’s what you do best. …Or you can come home and see your daughter one last time before she dies. It’s your choice.” And with that, he ends the call.

I know that if I hesitate, I’ll lose the chance to be with her in her last few moments of full consciousness. But do I really have no other choice than to surrender us to this same fate? I already know that there’s no antidote, just Ripper Virus 2.0.

If I don’t inject myself with it, maybe I’d go to the regular Other Side instead of that hell world, and there we could meet again, at least. But maybe it was punishment for past sins, or what happens to expelled passengers… If I go back there, will I be able to get out again?

And with that, I know what I have to do.

I’m not giving up on you, ми Надя. I’m so… so sorry for what I’m about to do, but I’m going to make it right. I killed that other traveler lady, but I’m going to find more, and I’m going to learn how to fix this. If I did it once, it must be possible to do it again… Better this time. Earlier. Somewhere where I can actually save you. I swear it – I’m not going to let your life end like this, no matter what it takes. It’ll be worse this time, but… next time, we won’t get to this point at all. I’ll start it yesterday or something… I’ll start it with enough time to save you. To seek out Klaus’s blood, like I should have in the first place.

With that, I leave the lab. Knowing it’s possible they could have Elena’s phone tracked, I decide it needs to be disposed of. My mind is in survival mode, because obviously the last thing I need is for them to track me down and kill me anyway. If that happened, I’d have put Nadia through dying alone for nothing.

I make my way to the airport. I quickly decide on a ticket to Czechoslovakia, which seems random enough I doubt they’d guess it… and with the traveler spells always spoken in Czech, it seems a good bet to find travelers. I really doubt any of that bunch would even recognize Czech, let alone guess that I’m looking for travelers, so it seems safe enough.

Once I’m past security, I look around for somebody who seems to be getting ready to board a plane but is isolated enough I can compel without being noticed. Thankfully, it doesn’t take all that long to find a target.

“Don’t ask any questions and answer me honestly,” I say as soon as I’ve approached him, looking into his eyes to compel him. I watch it take effect before questioning, “Where are you traveling to?”

“Korea,” he answers.

“Okay. Take this phone,” I say, pulling Elena’s phone out of my pocket, “And bring it with you. Keep it by your side at all times, got it? When the battery dies, just throw it away. If anyone calls, don’t answer.” I don’t tell him the password, so there’s nothing else he’d be able to do with it.

Compelled for the second time of the day, he accepts the phone and puts it in his own pocket.

“Good. Now, forget this conversation. All you know is it’s vitally important to keep this phone by your side no matter what until the battery runs out. You don’t remember seeing anyone who looked like me.”

With that last compulsion, I go to my own gate, boarding the plane when it’s time to do so. I can’t help but to smirk, momentarily forgetting why I’m here in the first place. Korea! If they do have some way of tracking the phone and go chasing after it – which I wouldn’t put past them when it comes to saving their precious Elena – they’re going to be on one hell of a wild goose chase. Do any of them speak any Korean at all? I almost wish I could see them attempt to track me down like that.

I wonder if Nadia will watch them trying to find me, and suddenly everything comes crashing back down on me.

Enough time has passed that she’s probably moved on to the Other Side now. I wonder whether she’s with me right now, and I glance at the empty seat beside me. Most of all, I wonder whether she’s glad or hurt that I ran like she told me to. …Probably both. She probably felt both before, too. Mixed feelings, wanting me by her side but not wanting me to die. This probably hurt her more than the alternative. But this time, I’m going to fix things completely, whatever it takes.

I don’t know if she is here, but… I can only assume that she is. Maybe it sounds self-centered, but after spending her entire life trying to find me, and being constantly willing to sacrifice everything for me… yes, my guess is that she would stay by my side even now.

All I have with me are the clothes on my back. With no phone to show text on and no pen or paper, I try to figure out how I could get a message across to her without looking like I’m talking to myself, uncertain whether vampire hearing still applies on the Other Side. But the flight is a long one, and I’m going to go crazy just sitting here thinking about how hurt she must be and how she basically died alone, with the one person who loved her having seemingly abandoned her. After spending her whole entire life thinking I’d abandoned her before, too…

I turn toward the window, leaning my head on the side of it in an effort to reduce the number of people who’d be able to hear me speaking. As an extra layer of caution, I speak to her in Bulgarian.

“Nadia? …I don’t suppose there’s any way you can give me a sign you can hear me… Hell, I don’t know if you’re even here at all. But… if there’s anything you can do, just… let me know? You’re probably… angry, and I don’t blame you. But there’s something I need to tell you.”

I pause in the hopes that maybe there is some sort of sign she can give me. Just when I’m about to give up and continue, going off nothing but the near baseless hope that she is here and listening, I feel a spot of warmth on my arm, as if a hand had been laid on it.

I close my eyes, because I can only assume it’s her – desperately want to believe it is – and don’t want to get emotional on an airplane full of people. After taking a few breaths to keep my composure, I promise her, “I’m not going to let it end like this. This probably sounds crazy, but I’m going to bring you back. I have a plan. That’s why I chose to run… I’m going to save you, no matter what. I just need to find some travelers…

“I’m not going to give up until I get the spell right, okay? I’ll explain more later, but… I just needed you to know why I ran. That I didn’t abandon you…” The image of her dying alone and feeling betrayed and abandoned comes back to my mind, and I try to ignore the way that my eyelashes have become a bit wet. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t by your side. I wanted to be there for you, truly… but if I got killed, I wouldn’t be able to save you. Still… I’m sorry.

“I love you.”

The warmth that had briefly touched my arm before now lingers on my shoulder, and I realize it must be her. I bite my lip hard, quickly wiping at my eyes. I wish I knew what she was thinking right now – whether she forgives me. I probably have no right to ask for her forgiveness, and yet… I can’t help hoping she does.

“Once we get there, I’m not going to rest until I find some travelers to teach me,” I tell her. If I could, I’d get to work on it right now, but unfortunately, there’s nothing I can do at the moment. I decide perhaps it’s best to try to nap now so I can spend as much time as possible searching before I get exhausted.

Of course, there’s no reply. But my hand starts to feel warm, and with that, imagining her by my side, I manage to drift into a light sleep.


	2. Promises

Take two.

I’m really hoping this puts me at a time early enough to change something. I know I should have waited until I could do so with certainty, but… I’ve never really been a patient person. And more importantly…

…It’s been hell. Any time I’m not focused on strengthening my magic, the grief, guilt, and regret set back in, and I can’t stand it. None of the travelers would take me under their wing or anything, but I managed to get my hands on a book. I’ve been practicing more or less day and night for the past few weeks. If I can at least push it back a few hours, to give myself enough time to seek an antidote elsewhere… that’s all I need to do. Yes, I’ll surrender my ‘freedom’ in exchange for Nadia’s life; it’s all I can think of to do. I’d rather stop her from being bitten at all, but I don’t think I’d be able to push it far enough back to accept her offer to travel the world together when I first became a passenger, and I don’t know what chess pieces would need to be changed in Mystic Falls to keep her safe.

This time, I get my bearings more quickly upon arrival. I’m kneeling next to Nadia, and we haven’t left for the church yet. Which means… Do the others know I’m not Elena? Have I contacted Maxfield yet? Well, the first question is the more important one. If so, I need to move Nadia elsewhere.

But other than that, I know what I need to do. Maxfield won’t make an antidote, so… I need to seek out Klaus. I hate how long that’ll mean leaving Nadia alone, but it’s the only option. I just need to make sure our current location is safe. I get an idea and look at my phone’s recent calls. None from them yet; this is before they figured out I’m not Elena, then.

“Nadia… I’m going to find Klaus. I’m going to get you his blood.”

I still wonder if he’ll even be willing to give it to me, but… I’ll do anything it takes.

“Wait,” she says. “…Be careful, Katherine.”

I give her a small smile. “I know. I’ll be back as soon as I can, but… it’ll be a while. Is there anything I can do…?” To help her be at least a little more comfortable. It’d definitely be awfully boring to just lie there the whole time anyway, but torture if it was uncomfortable. Which, having been bitten, I’m sure it is.

“I’ll be fine.” Nadia smiles just a little in reassurance.

“…Okay. I’ll be back as soon as possible, okay? Call me if you need _anything_.” Even though I’ll be on the plane, but… I just wish there was more I could do. I hate having to leave her side right now.

As quickly as I can be, I’m in New Orleans tracking down Elijah. After asking around for a while, I manage to find him. I’m not sure whether he’ll even be willing to try, let alone if he’ll succeed, but he’s probably got a better shot than me.

“…Katerina.” He seems surprised to see me.

“I… know we didn’t end on the best of notes, but I need your help with something. Please, just hear me out.”

“…Fine. I’m listening.”

I know he must be resistant. Everybody thinks I only look out for myself, just use everybody else, and so on… But I have to try. “I need some of Klaus’s blood. Someone… extremely important to me was bit by a hybrid.” I know of his deep caring about family, and it’s for that reason that I add, “…It’s my daughter. Please, Elijah… help me save her.”

He seems conflicted at first before replying, “I’ll see what I can do.”

Elijah motions for me to follow him. When we reach a building, he indicates for me to wait outside, both knowing it’s bad news to let Klaus near me. I do so, and he goes inside.

It’s about five minutes later that I hear the door open. Before I can even look to see who it is – honestly, I had naively assumed Elijah – I’m being yanked away, moving in a blur of vampire speed faster than I’m even capable of. When we stop, I find myself face-to-face with…

“Klaus.”

“…Katerina.” He smirks. “I knew it was you. The reason Elijah needed my blood so badly. So, what is it? Got into a little tiff with a hybrid? Oh wait… you’re just a little human now. What could you want with me?”

“Listen,” I say, forcing my voice steady. There’s no feasible lie right now. “I need your blood to heal someone who was bitten. I’ll… In exchange, I’ll hand myself over to you willingly. I won’t try to escape – I’m still on vervain, just so you know – and I won’t try to fight you… You can torture me all you like.”

“Well. And who has the honor of making _Katerina Petrova_ sacrifice five centuries of running from me in exchange for their life?”

I know he’ll either see through it or somehow find out if I lie. I hate to tell him, but I force myself to do so. “…My daughter.”

“Your daughter,” he repeats. “Well, you seem to care about her an awful lot.”

“…I do.”

“Give me one good reason why I should save her instead of forcibly capturing you? Come, now, it’s no fun if you don’t put up a little fight.”

I can’t exactly appeal to the goodness of his heart. He doesn’t even have one, let alone any goodness in it. “The satisfaction of knowing you can see me beg without even needing to be compelled,” I say, sickening though it is.

“Hm… tempting. Let’s see it.”

I know he wants me to go all out, so I force myself to throw away my pride. If I can save Nadia… it’s worth dealing with some humiliation. I kneel to the ground. “Please, Klaus, give me some of your blood so I can save my daughter. Please.”

“That look suits you,” he comments, sadist that he is.

“It’s special to see it without any need for compulsion, isn’t it? Genuine?” I attempt to bargain.

“Hm… fair enough,” he says, honestly surprising me. “Let’s go to her. --I hope you didn’t think I’d just _trust_ you to come back.”

“…Fine.” I stand, wanting to hurry but not daring to seem like I’m telling him what to do.

Together, we set off. Riding next to him on an airplane is literally one of the most nerve-wracking experiences of my life.

“By the way,” he comments in a low voice, “If you try at any point to injure me to force me to give you my blood, or to run away, I _will_ catch you, and I will most certainly not let your daughter survive.”

I’d be lying if I said the idea hadn’t crossed my mind, but that’s about what I figured anyway. “…I know.”

“Good.”

We’re silent the rest of the plane ride, me completely stiff and jaw locked hard.

I hate having to lead him to where she is, but it’s no surprise he’s refusing to let me out of his sight, I guess. As long as I can save her, though, it’ll be okay.

“Nadia,” I call out. I can see her surprise and a hint of fear when she sees Klaus. Fear for my sake, honestly, I think. I cross over to her and help her sit up. She’s gotten so weak in the time since I left… “This is her,” I tell Klaus, because he’s making no move toward us. “ _Please_ , Klaus. I told you, I’ll do anything…”

“Katherine!” Nadia exclaims, though in a weak whisper. Not happy with me for the sacrifice, I’m guessing.

“Shhh,” I whisper back. “It’s okay. You’re going to be okay… That’s all that matters to me.”

“How nauseatingly heartwarming,” Klaus comments with a roll of his eyes. Not like I expected any sympathy from him.

“What more do you want me to do, Klaus?”

“Oh, I just want to wait a while.”

I grit my teeth. That bastard wants to draw out her suffering first. That’s what I’m telling myself, because the thought of him letting her die is too much for me to handle.

“I’m sorry,” I tell her. “Just bear with it as long as you can. I promised him I’d willingly do _anything_ in exchange for his blood to save you… He won’t pass that up.”

“You did everything you could,” she replies as I pull her into a gentle hug, which she returns weakly but without hesitation. In my ear, she whispers, “…But you’re naïve.”

“I know.” I hate it, that my only shot at saving my daughter’s life is riding on that bastard finding it in whatever remnants of heart he might have left to heal her. Deep down, I know I can’t trust him. But there was no other choice…

I hear her gasp as a wave of pain hits her, and I rub her back lightly. “It’s going to be okay.”

She nods, but a few seconds later:

“I’m looking for my mother.”

My heart sinks. “Nadia. Nadia, I’m right here.” I hold her tighter rather than pulling away, because the truth is that I know she’s not going to hear or see me. “Klaus, please… _please_ … She’s dying… Give her some of your blood!”

“Now why would I do that? Come, now, Katerina. Did you really think I was going to save her?”

I hold Nadia closer, head on her shoulder to hide the tears forming in the corners of my eyes. I hold them back, because there’s no way in hell I’m going to let him see me cry. Never again.

“Толкова съжалявам, ми Надя,” I say softly. _I’m so sorry, my Nadia._ Sensing that she’s going to die soon, I begin the vision I showed her the first time, where we were happy and living like a normal mother and daughter. This time, I don’t cry. I keep the dream going until I feel her consciousness fading. It’s all I can do for her.

“Your mother _loves you_ ,” I tell her, kissing her on the cheek in the dream but silent and still in real life this time. In the dream, she starts to drift off into sleep. In real life, she starts to desiccate. I take a moment after she’s fully desiccated, composing myself. Gently, I lay her down, closing her eyes and covering her face with the blanket before standing to face Klaus.

“You bastard,” is all I can manage, a level of fury within me that could never be expressed by words.

“Sorry about that,” he says, his face in a twisted smile.

“Like hell you are,” I spit. There’s no way for me to escape now. I’m not going to give up on getting away from him, but… clearly, I’m going to be captured and subjected to whatever torture he plans on. As if having to watch Nadia die wasn’t worse than anything else he could ever do to me, though.

I start looking in desperation for anything wooden in the room, but there’s nothing, and he grabs me roughly by the arm. I would seriously rather stake myself than let him torture me again. And this time, if I got rescued, it would only be to be killed to get Elena back in her body. But he pulls me away, clearly not going to give me that power.

Am I just doomed to fail…?

I can’t give up. Even now… I have to keep fighting. I promised her I’d find a way to save her, and I will. No matter what it takes.


	3. Redemption

…Thank god I managed to escape that one. Thankfully, hey, the good part about being captured by someone who terrifies you so much you can barely sleep at night is that you get a lot of time to think. Okay, that’s usually really not a good thing at all. But in this instance, it was. Obviously I didn’t have time to study or practice, but an idea hit me and I decided to give the spell one last shot. I’m almost positive it’ll work this time, as long as I get put early enough in the timeline.

After performing the spell, I find myself kneeling next to Nadia at roughly the same point in the timeline I was in before. I’m not sure if it’s the exact same time, though; I’d better hope it is. I quickly look through my recent calls and see that I haven’t gotten any yet. Okay. They might not know yet; I need to act before they figure it out.

“Nadia,” I say, briefly taking her hand in mine. “I don’t trust that doctor after all. But don’t worry. I have a plan… but I’ve gotta go, now. I’ll explain later; call if you need _anything_ ; I should be back in under half an hour, okay?”

I see complete confusion in her expression as she asks, “…What doctor?”

Whoops. Wait, no, that’s good; it’s even earlier than I thought. “I’ll explain later,” I say again, and I give her a quick kiss on the forehead before rushing off. Even if it’s earlier, I don’t have time to waste, because I have no idea when exactly it was that they figured out I’m not Elena.

I start toward the Salvatores’, calling Stefan on the way there.

“Elena? Where are you?” he asks. Good, he sounds genuinely confused. Thank god.

“Uh-- I’m on my way over. I need to talk to you about something important, okay? Alone.”

“Okay… Is everything alright?”

I sigh, letting my urgency show through so he’ll get the extreme importance of this. “No. But we’ll talk about it when I get there. I’ll see you soon.” With that, I hang up. I’m sure he has a million questions and is worried sick, but I don’t really care about that right now.

When I arrive, I find him waiting for me, unsurprisingly looking worried. I give a slight nod upstairs, where we can go to his room and speak privately. He seems to get the picture, and we walk upstairs together. When we get there, I sit down on his bed and he sits next to me, although I’m sure he’s going to move away soon.

“I need you to hear me out, okay? Just… please, listen.”

“Elena… relax. Whatever it is, we’ll get it figured out.”

I must seem pretty upset if he’s saying that, to be quite honest. I don’t really care. I’ve been powerless to stop my daughter from dying three times now, and I’m _not_ going to let it happen a fourth. I can’t deny that I’m worried he won’t even hear me out, too.

“I’m not Elena. I’m Katherine. I used a passenger spell – traveler magic – to possess her body when I died. But please, just listen!

“The reason I’m telling you this is because Tyler bit Nadia. She’s dying, Stefan, and there’s no way in hell Klaus would give me his blood to save her. He would love nothing more than to force me to watch my daughter die right before my eyes.” I spit the last part, although I don’t tell him I know from experience. “Matt still has the traveler knife; you saw me use it on Gregor. You know it works.

“I’ll-- I’ll let you expel me. You can follow me around and never let me out of your sight; in Elena’s body, you’re faster than me anyway. But please… Caroline would be able to get some of his blood, right? I know you hate me, and I can’t really blame you for that right now. But this isn’t… it isn’t _for_ me. I just want my daughter to live. I know she’s not the most popular with you all either, but… she’s innocent, Stefan. Really, she is.” I look up at him and meet his eyes. “The only thing she’s ever wanted was to be with her mother. I can’t give her that, but… she deserves a real life. I know she’s done some not-so-great things, but so has everyone… and she was just trying to save the mother she searched for for so long.

“She doesn’t deserve to die…”

Finally, I pause, and he responds. “Okay.” I can feel the relief in my expression. “But you’re staying right next to me the whole time. I’ll convince Caroline to get some of Klaus’s blood, we’ll pick up the traveler knife, and then we’ll wait till Caroline gets back. I’ll let you stay by her side until she’s cured and say goodbye. But then I’m bringing Elena back.”

“Thank you,” I say quietly. I know that I can count on Stefan. If nothing else, I know he understands that Nadia shouldn’t have to die.

He talks to Caroline, and although she’s massively resistant at first to helping ‘Katherine’s daughter,’ he manages to convince her. She might feel otherwise if my identity was revealed, but Stefan keeps it to himself for now.

And so, she rushes off to New Orleans, already on the phone with Klaus, and Stefan and I go back to Nadia.

“K-- Elena?” Nadia catches herself quickly. “What are you two doing here…?”

Translation: why on earth did I bring Stefan. I kneel back down next to her, Stefan close enough to easily catch me if I tried to run but far enough for me to pretend we have some privacy. “It’s okay. I told him.”

“What? That’s not okay!” she objects. “You’re…”

“Going to be expelled. I know.” I take her hands in my own. “But Caroline is on her way to Klaus right now. Stefan talked her into getting some of his blood to save you.”

“But they’re going to kill you.”

I move one of my hands to stroke her hair. “But you’ll be able to live. …I’d much rather you get to live than sitting around and letting you die. Klaus wouldn’t give me his blood, and there’s no other way to cure it… I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I just let you die without doing anything I could to save you--”

“And how do you think I’m going to feel knowing you died saving me?!” she interrupts, her voice a mixture of anger and betrayal as she pulls away as best she can.

“…Awful, I know. But I’m your mother, and it’s my job to protect you. …I want to. I had to.”

“Selfish,” is all she says. I can tell she’s trying to avoid getting emotional with Stefan here. After a pause, she continues. “I never would have asked you for that. I don’t want to live at your expense…!”

I can’t deny being taken aback. Maybe I shouldn’t be surprised, all things considered. Not when she spent her whole life searching for me. I pull her into my arms and hug her tight. At first she seems not to respond, but soon she returns it. I know that under her anger, it’s really because she’s starting to grieve already. “I’m sorry we can’t both live,” I say softly, stroking her hair. “I wish it were possible, but… it’s not. And I meant everything I said before. When I look back on my life… I’ve done pretty much everything I ever wanted. Most importantly, I was able to know you. But… I also lived a lot before then. Nadia, you spent your whole life trying to find me. You deserve more.”

She doesn’t answer, but I feel a drop of water fall onto my shoulder.

“It’s going to be okay,” I murmur.

“It’s not.”

I can’t really object. I can’t even reassure her that I’ll always be with her from the Other Side, because I know it’s possible I won’t even go there, and it feels too wrong to lie. “Обичам те, ми Надя,” I say instead. _I love you, my Nadia_.

“И аз те обичам… Не искам да те загубя,” she answers. _I love you too… I don’t want to lose you_. “…мама...”

 _‘Mama_.’

I hold her just a little tighter, cautious because I don’t want to hurt her. Neither of us knows what to say, and we stay like this for a while, until I murmur, “I’m afraid you’re going to fall asleep like this.” The reason to be afraid for her falling asleep doesn’t need to be stated. I feel a small nod and assure her, “There’ll be more time for this after they give you the cure. Stefan promised, and… he’ll keep his word about that.”

I’m not sure that she trusts him, but I do. At least about this.

We talk a while longer, and it hurts so much to see her condition slowly worsen. Occasionally she gets hit by waves of pain, and all I can do is hold her hand and stroke her hair, reassuring her that Caroline should be on her way back with some of Klaus’s blood by now.

It feels like a million years later, but finally, she arrives. Stefan accepts it, thanks her, and tells her he’ll explain later after he notices her looking at us strangely. He brings the vial of blood to us, and I can’t help but to break into a smile of relief. I’m a ‘believe it when I see it’ type who wants to see it take effect before I can fully relax, though. I help her sit up and she drinks it. Gently, I roll up her sleeve and watch the bite heal. It’s only then that the relief sinks in, and I hug her tightly. “I did it,” I say softly. “I… I saved you.”

She nods, and I know she’s less than happy because she knows it means I’m going to be expelled soon. Still, she hugs me back just as tightly, and I know she doesn’t want to let go.

“All I want is for you to be happy,” I tell her. “I know you’ll miss me. But… don’t forget that, okay? Live for me.” I start to pull away to give her a smile, but she doesn’t let me. So instead, I stroke her hair again, content to stay like this as long as she wants. I know that means forever, and I wish with all my heart that it was possible.

“Even if you can’t see me,” I add, “I’m always supporting you. И аз винаги ще те обичам.” _And I will always love you_.

“Аз също,” she promises. _Me too._ It’s in a near-silent plea that she finally says, “Не ги пускай.” _Don’t let go._

“I wish I didn’t have to.”

“Така че не…!” _Then don’t…!_ I assume she’s more comfortable talking in Bulgarian so Stefan won’t hear her vulnerability, or at least not what exactly she’s saying.

I kiss the top of her head before murmuring, “Съжалявам.” _I’m sorry_. And with that, I pull away. I can see the pain in her eyes, and the way she tries not to let it on further, and both hurt. Even so, she’ll survive. She’ll be okay. And that’s all that matters to me. I stand, looking at Stefan to show him I’m ready to uphold my end of the bargain. As he approaches, I look back to Nadia, holding her hand. “You don’t have to watch this.”

I know she must know how difficult it would be to see, and yet her grip on my hand tightens. “I’m not leaving you.”

I have mixed feelings on that, but since Stefan is approaching, all I say is, “Сбогом, ми Надя.”

‘ _Goodbye, my Nadia_.’

“Do you want me to tell you when?” Stefan asks. Whether it’s something of a final courtesy, pity for Nadia having to witness it, or awkwardness about having to kill the woman he used to love, I don’t know. Probably anything _except_ that last one, sadly.

“…Tell me when,” I decide. And then: “…Goodbye, Stefan.”

He doesn’t reply to that. “Three…” he says, and I know he’s beginning a countdown. “Two…” I can feel myself unconsciously holding on tighter to Nadia’s hand as I come closer and closer to my once-and-for-all death. She doesn’t respond, I can only imagine how painful this must be for her to witness… “One.”

The knife is plunged into my side, and I stagger. Nadia catches me before I fall, and I manage to turn just enough to hug her back. I can hear the whispers of fleeting consciousness buzzing in my ears. It’s funny… I never would have thought I’d end up dying in somebody’s arms. It’s comforting.

I don’t fight the inevitable. My consciousness fades to black…

…

…

.


	4. Destiny

Katherine is an idiot if she thought I could just move on with my life after her death.

I’ve never been one to believe in miracles, and certainly not after that. Not after mere weeks after I finally found my mother, she was killed. _Let herself_ be killed, to save me. I couldn’t – and still can’t – accept that. I refuse.

I’m still a vampire, of course, which means I shouldn’t be able to do any magic. I didn’t even know spells like this existed. And yet, here I am, looking up at my mother in a dark room. I’m still bitten, which brings about the same discomfort as before, but I smile at her.

Somehow, I have brief recollections of other ways things could have turned out. One where she tried to get some doctor to make an antidote – I now question her statement about ‘not trusting that doctor’ she made last time we were here – then came back to be by my side as I died, at the Salvatores’, resulting in them expelling her from Elena’s body shortly after. One where she didn’t come back for me and ran instead – and I remember now what she told me. Does that mean… she’d been resetting the timeline, too, somehow? And I remember one where she risked going to Klaus, but he refused to heal me. In all of those, I died, but in some, _she_ could have lived, at least. This time… I’m going to make sure she lives, even if my own death is inevitable then.

Katherine suddenly starts to speak, taking my hand. “Nadia, I don’t trust that doctor after all. But don’t worry. I have a plan… but I’ve gotta go, now. I’ll explain later; call if you need _anything_ ; I should be back in under half an hour, okay?”

…So she doesn’t realize. I bring my other hand to cover hers, trying to make her stay as best I can. “Wait. Don’t leave me…” I’m hardly the frail type to admit to thinking things like that, but if I can keep her from seeking out Stefan and Caroline, it’s worth it.

“I told you, I’ll be back really soon… but there’s not much time for me to do this. It’ll save you. I’m sure of it.”

“Then bring me with you.” I know she won’t, or at the very least, the debate would slow her down quite a bit. I just need to stall her until they’ve figured out her identity. I know she won’t run until then, and I have no justifiable reason as to why she should right now. After that, I’ll just have to try to figure out how to avoid her getting caught.

She shakes her head, starting to pull away. “Don’t worry. I’m not… going to let you die alone. I’m not going to let you die at all. But that’s why I need to go, now.”

I reach out to embrace her. This entire weak, please-stay-with-me act feels ridiculous and is completely throwing away my pride. If she can survive, it’s worth it. …Truthfully, I can’t say I mind being held by her, though.

Katherine hesitates for just a moment, but she reluctantly returns it, stroking my hair. It’s surprisingly relaxing, even under these circumstances. “It’s going to be okay,” she promises.

If she still thinks she’s going to Stefan, that’s a big lie. But it will be okay; I won’t let her sacrifice herself a second time. “Klaus will never give you his blood,” I tell her, stalling her. I don’t know whether she remembers trying that or not.

“…I know. That’s not my plan.”

“Then what do you intend to do?” I doubt she’ll actually tell me she plans to turn herself in. I’d like to think she has enough sense to know I would never want to let her do it.

Sure enough, she hesitates. Still, I suppose she’s as used to deflecting things as I am, because she skillfully avoids telling me the truth. “After five hundred years, I know a few tricks. I know what to do, but… you’re going to have to trust me.”

“Why won’t you tell me?” I ask directly.

“It’s complicated,” she says, which I’m fairly certain is a lie. “And I really need to get going.”

She starts to pull away, but I tighten my grip to the small extent to which I’m able. “Wait. Could you… bring me someplace else first, at least?” Remembering Silas’s somehow tracking me via cell phone, I realize we’ll need to do something about that, first. But it’s better to move before they realize she’s not Elena, to give them less opportunity to figure out where she is. “It’s cold here. I don’t like it.”

She hesitates, and I think that might have been a success. I don’t think she would have been able to move me once she brought Stefan. However, she once again has a way to counter it. “You’re going to be okay, Nadia. After this… anywhere you want.” I don’t miss the way she avoids saying _who_ is going anywhere I want, knowing I’ll object if she says it’s just me but not wanting to lie and claim it would be both of us.

Pain hits me suddenly, and in her arms, I’m sure she can feel me tense and slightly wince, biting my lip to keep silent. She starts to stroke my hair again, and I lean my head on her shoulder. I can’t think of any more objections right now, but as long as she doesn’t try to pull away for the time being, I think it’s fine. I suspect she’ll have a hard time pushing me away right now, and I know she must be getting worried about the time constraints and trying to balance that with the guilt of pushing me away. I also suspect that she’ll end up opting to push me away because she thinks she’s going to save me, making it supposedly worth it in the end.

“I really need to get going,” she says softly after a while. I saw that coming, of course…

“…But it’s warm when you’re here,” I counter, trying to think of any reason to get her to stay. I feel as though I’m grasping at straws at this point.

“And I’ll be back really soon. I promise.”

“Please…” I’m just trying to make it as hard for her to leave as possible, trying to delay her.

“It’ll be okay… but only if I can leave with enough time.”

“Enough time for what?”

We’re interrupted by her phone going off, and I can feel her tense for a moment before she simply slumps in resignation. “…Okay. We’ll move.”

I don’t think she has the heart to tell me that they found out and now it’s too late to save me. Although it will raise questions as to why I know, I save her the trouble, of that and having to talk to Stefan and the others for my benefit. “…They know, don’t they,” I say, a statement more than a question.

“…Yeah. This is what I was afraid of. Now it’s too late to do anything…!”

I can hear the despair in her voice, but I’m sure she’s holding back for my sake. “I know,” I tell her softly. “But you still have time, Katherine. You can still run.”

“I’m not leaving you to die alone!”

“Every second you’re not putting distance between you and them gets you more likely to get caught! Even though it’s too late for me, you can still survive – please, for me!”

“No… I can’t; I can’t leave you alone again…”

I hear a very slight break in her voice, and somehow, I realize that there isn’t going to be any talking her out of this. “…Fine. Then leave your phone here so they can’t track it, and _promise_ me you’ll run the moment I’m gone.”

Her only response is a small nod. I start to pull away, but she holds me tighter. “We need to go,” I tell her gently.

She nods again, and one of her arms moves away. She wipes at her eyes, I think, before pulling away. I could probably walk on my own, but I can’t deny that it would probably be slow. Perhaps that’s why she picks me up and carries me to the car.

A woman notices and stares at us, and Katherine approaches her as soon as I’m in the passenger seat. I hear her compel her to take the phone and leave town as quickly as possible, not stopping until the phone battery dies, and then adding for her to forget the conversation and having saw us. It seems oddly familiar somehow…

That done, Katherine gets in the car and drives to somebody’s house. I have no idea whose, and I’m not sure she knows either. She helps me out of the car, and I stand leaning on her as she knocks on the door. I don’t know what she would have done if nobody had answered, but an elderly woman does. I see shock, confusion, and worry on her features.

“I’m sorry to bother you,” Katherine says, “but she really needs to sit down and get out of the sun. Can we come in for a few minutes?”

“Of course,” the woman says, making way for us. “Come right in.”

“Thank you.” She helps me over to the couch. It’s definitely not the season for sun stroke, but I imagine the woman is too kind to refuse someone so clearly in need of help. Kindness really is a person’s downfall…

The woman goes and gets a glass of water, and Katherine looks around. Sounding conversational, Katherine asks, “Do you live here by yourself?”

“I do,” she replies, handing me the glass of water. I’m not thirsty, but it’s cool, which feels nice.

Katherine wastes no time before grabbing her by the shoulders and compelling her. “Leave the house and don’t come back for at least 24 hours. Don’t say anyone else can come in. And you don’t remember seeing us, got it?”

She repeats her instructions before leaving the house.

“…We’re safe,” Katherine says. “As long as I’m in here, I don’t think any of them can get to me. So you don’t need to worry about anything.”

“I’m still worried they’ll catch you after you leave,” I tell her.

“Don’t be.” She sits down on the couch next to me and holds me close. “…I’m sorry, Nadia. That I couldn’t save you… That I let this happen in the first place.”

This time, it’s me stroking her hair. “It’s too late for that. But what you can do is live for me, okay? …That’s all I really want now.”

“I don’t want that!” Her voice breaks as she admits, “It should have been the other way around. I’m your mother… I’m supposed to protect you.

“I don’t want to lose you… Not again.”

“I know,” I murmur. “But I’ll watch over you from the Other Side. I won’t leave you.”

“That’s not the same.”

“…I know,” I say again.

“You don’t know!” she objects, and I suppose that might be true. If I’m right about her resetting the timeline… she’s already had to watch me die three times. Just seeing her die once was enough to feel worse than as if my heart were being slowly torn from my chest… Having to see it three times seems utterly unbearable. Perhaps I’m selfish, too, for rewinding time in favor of her survival over mine. I refuse to apologize for that, however.

“…I’m sorry.” I’m not sorry for the decision I made, but I am sorry for the grief that I know by this point is inevitable for her.

“Me too.” Her voice is considerably quieter than before. “…I don’t want to spend this time arguing.”

I nod in understanding. “Neither do I.” We’re both silent for a while, but I break it. “Katherine? …Stop trying to change what happens.”

“…Huh?” I can’t quite tell if she’s genuinely confused or just surprised that I know.

“I know this time that you’ve been using magic to go back and try to change things. I remember it all now. …Magic has a cost, remember? I think… this sort of end must be inevitable.”

“Don’t give up on it yet! I had an idea for this time--”

“--That would have gotten you killed,” I interrupt.

“But it would have saved you!”

She doesn’t ask how I know. I suppose that’s beside the point now. “And I wouldn’t have been happy with that.”

“But when you moved on, you would have had the chance to have a real life! I got to live a full life… You spent yours searching for me.”

I shake my head. “I could never have moved on from that, Katherine.”

“I’m never going to be able to move on from losing you, either…”

I don’t quite know what to say to that, so I take a different angle. If she doesn’t remember the last time… Besides, it’s possible it would change if there was another do-over. “Even if you went back again, we don’t even know for sure that it would save me. Like I said, it might… just be inevitable. Maybe you can change a little about _how_ it happens, but maybe the magic won’t permit you to really alter what happens.”

“I just want to try… I can’t give up.” Her voice gets even quieter, and she holds me closer as she says, “I can’t give up on you.”

“I would rather leave it as it is,” I admit. “This is… the first time that I’ve remembered the other times; I’m not sure if I would still remember, next time. …This was the most preferable, out of all of them. You’re going to survive, and… you’ve been with me the whole time. I don’t want to change that.”

“I just want you to survive…” Her voice is barely more than a whisper. I can’t see her face, but somehow I get the feeling that she’s holding back tears.

“I know.” We remain like this in silence, both pained but having come to an understanding. I’m comfortable just like this, being held, and I’m not bothered by the silence.

It’s well past nightfall. A man peers out from the small crack in his doorway, unaware I can’t enter unless invited, wary of me but apparently willing to listen.

“My mother’s name is Katherine,” I continue from what I last told him. “I’m looking for her. She is a liar… and a murderer… She manipulates… She betrays… She’ll do anything to survive.” But I need to find her. No matter what kind of person she is, I just need to _know_. Why she abandoned me...

A woman has just opened her door, though not invited me in. The sun has just set. “I’m looking for my mother,” I tell her, beginning to seek her help.

It’s late. I think I’m up past my bedtime, because I’m really sleepy. Mama picks me up and puts me in bed to tuck me in. I had a lot of fun today, and I tell Mama all about it. She asks if she can visit the fort I made in the woods. Of course she can… but I’m too sleepy right now, and I know she wouldn’t let me outside now that it’s dark. I promise her that we will, when the sun comes up in the morning.

“Goodnight, my Nadia,” Mama says as I close my eyes, too tired to stay awake any longer. Why does she sound like she’s crying? It’s okay, Mama; I’m here… She kisses me on the cheek, and I start to fall asleep as I feel her stroking my hair. “Sleep well. …Your mother _loves you_.”

I love you too, Mama…


	5. Miracle

Katherine supposed she should have known that they would find and expel her. Maybe Nadia was right, and this awful end was what they were destined for. It had played out again not long after Nadia’s death – everybody giving her cold stares, Stefan stabbing her with the knife. This time she had known it would happen, and yet she had still pressed her lips to his one last time.

Now she was alone again. She went back to her house, knowing her surroundings immediately, wanting to see if it was still the same day as it had been the last time she was here in her own little hell.

The room still had a few cloths and a sheet in the corner, all a bit bloodied. One sheet, clean, having been used only for modesty purposes, had fallen on the floor next to the bed. The drawers where her clothing had been stored were recently emptied, still with nothing new placed inside. Even centuries later, it was easy to recognize the scene. If she didn’t prevent herself from doing so, it wasn’t hard to imagine still, her father in the doorway, watching her mother stand from the foot of her bed and approach him…

Back here again.

She went outside, knowing things were exactly the same as they had been before. All of her efforts had gone to waste; she was alone again, and she hadn’t even been able to save Nadia’s life. Still lacking any recollection of the one time she _did_ succeed in doing so, she felt she had wholly failed her as a mother. Perhaps it was a good thing, at least, that she had been able to stay by Nadia’s side the whole time. If that perhaps lessened the pain of death for her, she was glad to have done it… but not as glad as she would have been if she were able to prevent her from dying in the first place.

She considered whether it would do any good to try to turn back time once more, but she remembered her promise to Nadia, and it held her back. She really might be right that it was inevitable for them to die, so maybe she should accept having given her a slightly less painful experience…? Katherine wasn’t content with that, though.

After a while, she just started to walk. She knew the area much too well to get lost, and it was rare for her not to be able to find her way around places anyway. The fact that she was not yet grieving was not lost on her. Perhaps it was simply a function of it happening so many times. It wasn’t as though she didn’t feel the loss, but rather something more to the effect of a numbness, as though she were unable to comprehend it again for the time being. It seemed to her as though, if she gave up on trying again and let herself process that she would never be able to see her daughter again, she wasn’t sure she would be able to pick the pieces back up again.

Meanwhile, formerly miles away, Nadia had found herself in Bulgaria as well, recognizing it to be along the lines of how it had been when she was very young. But that wasn’t the only time she had been in Bulgaria. Whether it was instinct or some sort of ridiculous hope, she didn’t know, but she had taken off in the direction of the one place she was certain she could remember the way to, even in the wrong decade. The house in which Katerina Petrova had grown up.

It was hours later that she came to a full stop, shocked. Facing away from her was a head of thick, curly hair, throwing rocks at a river as she tried to remember how to make them skip. She had been hoping to see her, and yet… a part of her had almost anticipated that she would never be able to find her again. She hadn’t even known her mother had been expelled again, though perhaps a part of her had sensed its inevitability.

“ _Katherine!_ ” she called out, picking up her pace as she started toward her again.

Katherine turned, and for a moment all she could do was stare. As soon as she had registered the situation, however, she started to run to her, both closing the distance quickly and soon pulling each other into a tight hug.

“I thought I was never going to be able to see you again,” Katherine said, tears threatening to fall. It hadn’t yet even been a full day since their deaths, but after everything, it had felt like an eternity. She had certainly expected it to be such. An eternity alone… reminded constantly of all the times she had failed her daughter.

“Me too,” Nadia admitted, pulling her just a little closer, as if afraid that this wasn’t actually real and Katherine would disappear if she wasn’t careful. She never wanted that to happen again. She never wanted to let anything tear them apart again.

She had tried to save her… and she had failed… but now they were together again. It was almost not something she was sure she could object to. “You should have gotten to live,” she still said.

“Then we would have both been alone again.” That was one of the most painful things she could imagine – Katherine dead, her alive and still in solitude. Both alone for an eternity… “I’m… okay with this, Katherine.” _Just as long as nothing pulls us apart_. It remained unspoken, but it didn’t need to be said.

“…Nothing can hurt us here,” she promised. “We’re… the only ones here. That’s why… I-- I thought… because last time… I was going to be completely alone…”

Nadia could hear the break in her voice and feel a slight tremble to her shoulders. “But you’re not. I’m right here… I’m not going anywhere.”

Katherine nodded. “…Me neither. обичам те, ми надя. Толкова много...” _I love you, my Nadia. So much…_

“и аз те обичам,” Nadia said softly. _I love you too_. There was a small hesitation before she paused and, even more quietly added, “…мама.” _Mama._

It didn’t seem like there was any more need to put things into words. A warm, bright feeling enveloped them… until slowly, neither particularly taking notice, something happened that they never would have thought possible. The two of them faded into light.

They had never been able to have any other sweet clichés, their lives separate and painful, seeking out the love they were always denied. As it turned out… that was all they needed. As long as they had each other, everything would be okay. For them, that was true happiness.

It was… peace.


End file.
